Shadiness and Sexiness - Seductress and Temptress!

A LITTLE BOY'S EXPLANATION OF GOD

2008-10-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

EXPLANATION OF GOD:'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'
'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'
'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'
'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.'
'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'
'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard wo rk on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'
'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'
'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!
Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'
'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'
'But...you shouldn't just alw ays think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.
And...that's why I believe in God.'

WORDS OF WISDOM

2008-10-30T00:03:00.001-07:00

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.I
f you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.
The trouble with work is - it's so daily.
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people are crazy. Check 3 friends, if they are OK, you're it.

PLEDGE TO SELF 30 JUNE 2008

2008-06-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

today I started something
some kind a change in ma life
its supposed to be one dimensional
but i thought...what the heck, ive got too many personalities for that
so i took that and added many of the things i have learnt in ma life
what i hope to gain out of this is self-peace

im sure u aint eva come across that one before
well thats simply bcoz i just made it up now as im writin this
the thing is i "self-accepted" long time ago
but i still wasnt really at peace with some things about me/in ma life/that happened/bloody blah

so today marks the beginning of some strange journey ......... that i will take
with all the weird attributes that make me ..me

i hope to lose a lot of the bad stuff... (if im still carryin it)
and to gain a lot of good from this
mostly happiness

this isnt a road to self-discovery...i know ma self too well...no really, i do, i sit down and talk with all ma personalities (quite funny and even deep conversations we have shared
:) )...............
its also not the persuit of happiness, i am a happy person, mostly because i make do with what i have. If i want something else and i can get it, thats what i do, if i cant, then i stop stressin about it cause i cnt do jack about it. Really thouugh, the key is to lear to accept and be insanely happy with what you do have

i suppose its more a path im takin where i vow to be me (all the tym ---- not most of the time), so i'll just do more of what i have already been doin
loving
forgivivg
caring
prayin
surroundin ma self with beautiful spirits
lettin go and lettin God
where i'll listen to ma self more
what ma inner being cries out for
shutting out the noise from the world
takin care of the inner me in appreciatuion for her having gotten me this fa, for her having taken care of me, we both know it wasnt easy

So that at the end of the day i am a peaceful person
even when im quiet, there's always a storm brewing underneath that calm surafce
i dnt want that

i want serenity..........thats what i hope to find

Sane, baby girl, I love you
and this is ma pledge to you to take care of you
when its all said and done
when the show is over

its just u and me......so ya thats it

im not gonna separate this ish, but have u ever bn in love by celine

2008-06-30T05:41:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been in loveYou could touch the moonlightWhen your hearts shooting starsYoure holding heaven in your armsHave you ever been so in loveHave you ever walked on airEver felt like you were dreaminWhen you never thought it couldBut it really feels that goodHave you ever been so in loveHave you ever been in loveYou could touch the moonlightWhen your hearts shooting starYoure holding heaven in your armsHave you ever been in love, have you...The time I spentWaiting for something that was heaven-sentWhen you find it dont let go,I knowHave you ever said a prayerAnd found that it was answeredAll my hope has been restoredAnd I aint looking anymoreHave you ever been so in love, have you...Some place that you aint leavinSomewhere youre gonna stayWhen you finally found the meaninHave you ever felt this wayThe time I spentWaiting for something that was heaven-sentWhen you find it, dont let go,I know...Coz have you ever been so in love, so in loveYou could touch the moonlightYou can even reach the starsDoesnt matter near or farHave you ever been so in loveHave you ever been in loveHave you ever been in loveSo in... love...

....

2008-06-30T05:34:00.001-07:00

andf its not that i wasnt in love before its just that i keep on falolin in love again and again and again with her
its littl ethings

but they make all the difference in the world.....

IM IN LOVE

2008-06-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

that moment when yo eyes meet again
or is the next tym u are talkin and u r just starin into their eyes
or even they are layin beside u on yo bed...then lookin into their eyes
or ur sittin all alone in some office (like i am) and thinkin of their eyes.......

maybe its yet again or for the first tym
u realise IM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!

and u wanna shout to the rest of the world, or keep it bottled up inside.........u have this stupid smile on yo face thats just plastered there and as far as you are concerned, the world couldnt be a better place

well as sick as i am, thats how i feel
I love you angeland thank you for being exactly that....my angel
ur the bestestestesteset! girlfriend

ma baby

2008-05-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

another pic of ma baby

i miss her so much

cant wait for the 6th

thats when i'll get to see her

will try to upload a pic of ma engagement ring, its gorgeous!!!!!!!!! HA HA

cell c mini me

2008-05-30T02:20:00.000-07:00

Dnt u guys think that this is so nunuz?

she so cute

thts y i want a bby gal

MY GIRLFRIEND NONDU, sorry...make that FIANCE

2008-05-30T02:06:00.000-07:00

not such a great pic in terms of visibility, but ya there she is. and just to make sure she is the one in the front

ANOTHER PIC

2008-05-19T02:07:00.000-07:00

THAT BE MY NEW PROFILE PIC

I SEE YOU WATCHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-19T01:54:00.000-07:00

was tryina upload pics of ma gf and they dnt wanna
i technology iyala
o well...........

quick update

2008-05-19T01:25:00.000-07:00

for those who dont know, im now workin
employed by SANBI (South African National Biodiversity Insitute)
based in DBN
movin to ma new place in June----where I plan to live it up!!!!!! FINALLLY!!!!!!!
ITS MA BDAY TODAY!!!!!!!!

YO guys I feel ancient.........but at least I'm employed

lost forever

2008-05-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

k guys, know how i absolutely hate extensions right? well for ma graduation i kinda put on some hectic bonding. was quite expensive (glad ma had to pay), anywho had never bothered to take any pics till i had to take it off this pas sat, so on fri before work, i gave myself a mini photo shoot. pics were lovely, but there was just one stunner
(there always is just one)
i wanted to upload it everywhere
then ma gf goes and deletes it (by mistake of course) but baby i'm still upset

The (temporary) return........basically catching up

2008-02-21T03:41:00.000-08:00

Iyo guys!!!!!!!!!!!
Its been forever. I feel like a little puiece of shit for not having been here for so long. But it was for a good cause---I was in the process of gettin myself a Biological Sciences degree, which I did and am so relieved.

Am right now at Pietermaritzburg campus of UKZN, was visitin. Leavin tomorrow---coz I work weekends as well. Just had happened to be on 5day leave and decided to really enjoy it.

Had an angry christmas coz I was fumin over havin been mugged and my fone was like brand new. That aside, all teh SMSs and photos I would neva see again. That's what made me really mad. But I gave that mugger a good hiding---if only that had been enough to bring ma fone back. Learnt somethin else too---plz dnt fight back coz I nearly got stabbed by the one who was behind me (who I had managed to block from my thougts as I was wrestlin the one with ma fone). So all those of u who thought I was ignorin ya'll--it aint so, I just got mugged. So those who still have ma numba--do call and giv me yo numbaz, u can still use the same numba-I had a sim swap.

That's all for now

SHIT

2007-08-04T04:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

COLIN THE HEN....made the title up

2007-08-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe."Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground."This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?""It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode"."You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin"Well just relax and let it happen"And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting"Colin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy KAK in die bed!!!"

my useless life

2007-08-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

My life is constantly being held back by something
Don’t wanna go into specifics---there are too many examples
But today was too cruel for words

The long and short of it is that I had the one thing i have been praying for, for I dnt know how long, so ruthlessly taken away from me. Hp laptop valued at R15 000 up for grabs. The q asked is why should accenture hire you? Answered it and received a good cheer and applause for my answer. The guy down the line copies everything I said word for word then drawls on & on abt some computer program he studied, and wins.

Im sittin here writin this shattered
I cant even focus on the stuff im supposed to be doin coz durin the whole thing I kept on thinking how good the Lord was to me and how he was finally answerin my prayers and thinking abt the great chain reaction that this was gonna have in my life (coz if there is anything I can do, its to sell myself..and that’s what we had to do)…then I hear my words being spat out down the line……dream abruptly ended

Nobody could ever feel or understand the pain I’m goin thru ryt now coz I’m even wonderin whether this is what I should look forward to for the rest of my life coz its always been like this …..i’m wonderin why I even bother

It sucks

Its so wrong

and I cant do jack abt it

purpose

2007-07-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

was just wonderin whether any of u have figured their own.....i know that that was somethin i never even thought abt as a youngsta but as i progress in life i do think abt it, moreso when confronted by trying times. i think that is because they seem to either challenge me/my beliefs/my values or all of these. so i think it then bbecomes a challenge to just be....or if u have a purpose in life..to fulfill itsometymz i wanna rid myself of that burden and just liveforget any and all obligationssometimes start life all over again from scratchbut livin in regret never helped anyone progressbeing a black lesbian in south africa doesnt help at all either

30 Things To Do In An Exam When You Know You're Going To Fail It Anyways!Global

2007-07-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

MORE OF MY BOYS

2007-07-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

THESE ARE MY BOYZ!!!!--SA CELEBRITIES ACTING GAY BAHLE ABANTWANA BAGEZILE

2007-07-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

OOOOH MY WORD!!!!!

AREN'T THESE BOYS JUST SO DELECTABLE???

MMMMMMM...........

IN ALL HONESTY GUYS I FELL OFF THE CHAIR LAUGHING

ESPECIALLY FRESH AND ZOLA

PPL DID U SEE ZOLA'S BOOBS?

funnies

2007-06-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

instead of mailing this to all of u

i thought i might as well just post it up here, it really cracked me up

and this guy is supposed to be a relative of mine

this was taken by a cousin of mine at our last family gathering
(that i was gratefully absent - if these are the going-ons)

the cats just ripped me!!!!!i still find it funny

les nubians

2007-06-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

this is the HELENE who drove my little sis (in white) she is HOT!!!!

if only.........

FAMILY

2007-06-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

oh my word i just so had to share...

this is my little sis....now get this...

1) she was always the tomboyish, skinny one-of course no-one ever susupected any lesbianism whatsoever

2) i was the big feminie one and was salted to marry at a young age and supposedly she was gonna be a nurse and take care of momma whilst i take care of my household

3) her asthma eases up, she gains some weight and suddenly she is all DIVA and has all the boys in the neighbourhood at her feet

4) i get a gf (to everyone's utter surprise) and she tells me upon first meeting with my sista, that my little sis is gay and will only realize it in tym, and since she was goin to tertiary this tear, she was like: "Won't have to wait long now..."

5) i am from my sis right now and she tells me she's in a relationship with this lesbo from school,

of course my brothers say my little sis has a crush on the gal (and they dnt like her--typical older brothers)

and she saw a pic of Helene FAUSSART in my USB and was goin crazy (Helene was dressed very butch and looked quite the Don Juan) -- starin at the pic (I'll upload Helene's pic on the blog now now)

6) either way these news have rocked my world--im gonna be xcited till kingdom come i suppose----2 lesbian sisters--oooooohhhhhhhhh my word!!!!!!!!

7) did i mention she has taken to smokin---now that i did NOT like

stilleto boots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-31T02:32:00.000-07:00

i so knopw im gonna egret posting this up here!!!!!!!!